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December 16, 2002 - 2:56 a.m.

My body bleeds

My body bleeds the moment you are gone...

such impecable timing.

I am mourning you, your body in the sun and hot ragged wind,

as I trudge through sheets of snow, through a wind that threatens to flatten me into the pavement...

I am mourning you, as I grind my hips to music that, inevitably, makes me think of you.

I am remembering how well you move against me.. and how our hips fit so tight against one another...

but instead, i am surrounded by my friends,

moving to a melody that fits only my thoughts and seems to intrigue people...

they tell me I am feline... that I am "trouble"... the trouble is you're not here... and that's all i seem to want.

I am jealous of the palm trees, not because I want to be near them but because they have you,

and I have not.

I lean into all these bodies that cannot compare to yours.

Jess is dancing with a tall blonde named Jane. She is not plain. I have made friends with a queen named Petra.

Still, no matter how moved I am by this music... i am thinking of your bed, of the empty sheets that wait for me

with the creases from our bodies

washed away but still coursing through my head.

I have seen so many faces tonight, been told that I look good to touch, but not tonight, not without you.

I can't even bring myself to touch...

I will wait,

even though one day has already seemed so long.

I'll be waiting for you

between my legs, crossed and uneasy,

aching from this cold cold wind

waiting to sleep alongside you...

while you are so far far away.

 

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