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February 20, 2003 - 10:23 p.m. emotional vampirism... Not cute...not pretty, she said, eyes shifting my composure she lays them on me - transposed against the watered weak vision of all i'd lived on - so little for so long weaning myself off this lovesick complexion, the combined project of we two half starved loveslaves - sleeping our whole lives with mannequins dressed as lovers whose pullstrings brought torrents of exuses (hers), reprimanding tears (mine). Flowing in parallel streams - never bending, never converging... never dampering her resolve to drown me out - there, you found me hands groping from below the water's clean lines blue eyes, straw, strong and so clear - softly swelling, sweating regret on the glass of fragile intent to forget, forgiving reflections of refracted disillusionment The wish, we made unknowingly, the moment my lips hit you - the world became unspun A snowglobe settling, we became still...again my words falling around me, puncturing my strength to resist, undressing my defense you came, dragging the season down around me, filling my days with short breath and warm beds shattering still hallways forgetting the smoke that hung about our heads reality flutters down, settling into my lungs, with leaves, turned and smashed, veins captured in wax on my walls, we crawled past regret, never seeing the end here, on my knees... i would grovel for you, though you never asked never expected to find me here all around you. That night i invited us - to begin invited myself in... you sent me to wake myself 5 am - fluid in the night air waking in this cold never feeling the wind, so flushed was I recalling my flesh, flush with your jaw your eyes sucking the truth from me, without pretense except in words spoken, above a whisper call me soon which meant - always, which meant, tomorrow, which meant don't leave I just have to end all these lies so that tomorrow and everyday after we can wake in eachother and forget that somehow its still snowing outside.
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