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March 19, 2003 - 8:45 p.m.

Pissed off? Maybe, not really,

Okay a bit�

She�s gaga on lunch girl Claire.. my Claire,,.. it�s the I saw her first syndrome�

So she wants to know.. .who I want to know..

Better�

No one I say�

Not really,

Sorrell? She asks� is that even how its spelt?

I say no. that�s not a crush.

What is it?

Not a crush.

Why? Then what is she?

A friend that I�ve slept with� that I flirt with�

So she can�t still be a crush..?

No, I guess not, she�s not someone I�d pursue a relationship with� so

What else is there?

These are our words� obviously there�s more�

Maybe threatening, maybe insignificant,

Maybe it�s this scratching at the surface that feels good,

Like itching a mosquito bite..

Because you know it will relieve some of the tension.

Some of the jealousy�

So why does Claire matter?

Because she looked way hotter with dreads?

Because maybe I�d want her too?

If I could�

Maybe it�s only threatening because she�s accessible�

And my crush� I don�t see her� maybe she only exists in these words�

In fairy speak, in tongues, in cheek�

Tongue in cheek�

I laugh..

Writing on her computer� I tell her to stop looking over my shoulder�

War is on.

I�m warlike� I�m seething�

It will make for good pillow talk�

When I�m done being angry

When I�ve found release�

I know this will never end, because I can�t let her go.

Wont.

Let

Her

Go.

I am hungry all the time� it makes us both stay� makes us bend�makes us laugh in the end.

Always within�

That�s beside the point, she says..

Is it beside the point? Or is it IT? � is it the point?

Maybe the point is that I have my hands �.here�

And THAT means we�re connected. So is the connection broken now? I ask.

And now? � and what about now?

Guy in the velour says I should keep you on a shorter leash� no, I say,

The problem with leashes is that that�s all that�s making them stay, the second you unclip them they run�

So�. What then?

Teach them to want to stay�

 

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