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March 19, 2003 - 8:45 p.m. Pissed off? Maybe, not really, Okay a bit� She�s gaga on lunch girl Claire.. my Claire,,.. it�s the I saw her first syndrome� So she wants to know.. .who I want to know.. Better� No one I say� Not really, Sorrell? She asks� is that even how its spelt? I say no. that�s not a crush. What is it? Not a crush. Why? Then what is she? A friend that I�ve slept with� that I flirt with� So she can�t still be a crush..? No, I guess not, she�s not someone I�d pursue a relationship with� so What else is there? These are our words� obviously there�s more� Maybe threatening, maybe insignificant, Maybe it�s this scratching at the surface that feels good, Like itching a mosquito bite.. Because you know it will relieve some of the tension. Some of the jealousy� So why does Claire matter? Because she looked way hotter with dreads? Because maybe I�d want her too? If I could� Maybe it�s only threatening because she�s accessible� And my crush� I don�t see her� maybe she only exists in these words� In fairy speak, in tongues, in cheek� Tongue in cheek� I laugh.. Writing on her computer� I tell her to stop looking over my shoulder� War is on. I�m warlike� I�m seething� It will make for good pillow talk� When I�m done being angry When I�ve found release� I know this will never end, because I can�t let her go. Wont. Let Her Go. I am hungry all the time� it makes us both stay� makes us bend�makes us laugh in the end. Always within� That�s beside the point, she says.. Is it beside the point? Or is it IT? � is it the point? Maybe the point is that I have my hands �.here� And THAT means we�re connected. So is the connection broken now? I ask. And now? � and what about now? Guy in the velour says I should keep you on a shorter leash� no, I say, The problem with leashes is that that�s all that�s making them stay, the second you unclip them they run� So�. What then? Teach them to want to stay�
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