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June 09, 2003 - 11:46 a.m.

I�m addicted to stickit notes� I find them everywhere. Walking down along the harbour with lana I saw a sticky note on the ground� I went to see what it said�it said Call Lana� it was mine from yesterday on the way to work� they flutter out of my pockets and I find them in my bed� like the dancer in Ballet C de la B from Belgium, doing her dying black swan dance, with feathers escaping her breast as she moved, slowly drowning in a puddle of oil on the stage�the most incredible performance�. Some whe- whe -whe �e- e- er o- o- o -over the rain- boooow. As the neo adam and eve tried to act out their discovery of eros� to a broken record soundtrack. That was so funny in a sexual tense way� like all first encounters are� sorta funny and awkward, but totally intense and frantic.

So my latest find in stick it, was a ranty note saying �I hate you C�.you�re up there somewhere�, I grumbled, wagging an angry finger at the sky. �She�s dead?�� my friend asked warily� �no. she lives upstairs.�

June 5� I write� I thought about turning around to watch you walk away, not in a pathetic way, but reflectively, to smile as I looked after you�. So much frenetic energy dissipating with every inch you travel further from me.

Sunday: rehearsal, book drivers test (done)�(long done)�.Rachel books, computer disk, buy toilet paper, Some of these things I shouldn�t need to write down.

TO DO: Buy paint, digital camera� vcr� do they still sell those?

Lately�

We get home. She puts on �Praise�� I know this before I even hear the words, I know this is what I�ll be hearing. She gets on kicks and stays tuned to one train of sound� for brief, intense moments, until I have to ask her if maybe, darling, she might mind putting on just one other song� for some variety. Good Day, I reflect back on our Center Island wanderings� with Lana and her puppy. Ymmm. And tacos for dinner with you� All I could think of was taking naked pictures with the swans� trying not to get my bum nipped.

Next order of business. This juicy business, which did, in fact, live up to its name� if not for the juiciness of the tunes, the juiciness of the room grace � la lack of air circulation and sheer quantity of perspiring bodies. Saw many familiar faces, not enough of my one and only favourite� who went home early� but danced like I haven�t in ages. What a relief� I feel sometimes like I forget how. My body feels awkward. Listening now to Gorillaz and Fantastic Plastic� makes me feel calm� that night I felt elated, euphemistic of the actual substances coursing through my bloodstream�j�en sais pas.

Au moins c��tait une diversion sympa, et je me suis senti libre en face des plusieurs �issues� cerebrales�.qui invahisent mes pens�es.

She asked me last night if there�s someone else in my thoughts� only myself. You and I� that�s all I know. That�s all I want to know. Everything else just decorates our perfect space. Some places you just know would be fun to visit, but in a long term sense would be drafty, depressing and messy, if you actually lived there. There aren�t a lot of places I�d ever want to put down first and last on� And while my taste in furniture might change, I�ll never give up my beautiful view, or throw over my love of windows and sunlight. Hint hint� that�s you. Kiss kiss.

 

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