August 04, 2004 - 10:56 a.m.
pda
rant
If any visible (as opposed to spoken) signs of our affection make you �uncomfortable�, how does that reflect on your opinion of our relationship?
I find it disturbing and strange that the people who should be most pleased by the happiness of their relative find it distasteful if they have to �See� that affection.
We don�t make out or have sex in front of anyone�
Hand holding and brief kisses on cheeks or lips can be shared by mother/daughter, aunt/niece, grandparents etc� so why does it change if it is a partner relationship?
Is it because any physical contact leads the mind to imagine further contact?
If other couples at the cottage weren�t publicly displaying their affection � why not?
Maybe they�ve been pressured to conform to other�s desire not to be subjected to their happiness. And if they just don�t feel like kissing eachother�. That�s their choice and they�re comfortable. At least they HAVE a choice.
What is public?
If it bothers you because Other people might be uncomfortable� why do you care what �other� people think?
If it bothers you because YOU are offended by it, why does it make You uncomfortable?
It seems contradictory that the person who is supposed to teach you about love and relationships and fulfillment and trust and devotion, essentially how to love someone� in the same breath turns and tells you that once you�ve FOUND that love and trust etc. they don�t want to SEE it. What does that mean? How is that supposed to be taken?
If we make other people uncomfortable� it makes US uncomfortable to think that people are disdainful of a truly beautiful, healthy, normal affection. It is especially hurtful that the people we would most like to be thrilled and excited to see us so happy, would like us not to make it in any way obvious that we are so happy.
Yes there are many ways to show your affection.. these many ways exist because there are so many feelings associated with love. What makes one method of expression
Suppression and oppression belong in dictatorships and concentration camps� if our affection makes people uncomfortable, they should ask themselves WHY? Does it make them feel badly about themselves or their own relationships?
How would you feel if WE asked you not to do things that were totally outside of our right to impose on you?
There�s a difference between being inappropriate because kissing etc. isn�t appropriate for the moment or is interrupting a discussion/class/work etc. but really� on Vacation!!? With friends and family? This is one moment to act on the happy impulses.
WE are not putting on a show� we are being ourselves and if we feel that being in the presence of our families requires constantly being on our guard � that puts a serious strain on our relationship and on our impression of how our family feels about us� and even what kind of people they are, that A) they care so deeply what others think or B) that our affection is in some way offensive to them. It sends very mixed messages to us, regardless of what they say about being supportive� their request to not see ANYTHING contradicts their claim of support.
Why is the impetus on US to change when you can turn on the TV and see hundreds of hours of soft-hardcore sexuality� what we have is REAL and healthy and if it bothers you to see it.. maybe we can pretend we�re unhappy and robotic and refrain from touching eachother. Would you be happy if we were less spontaneous and real with one another? And what would it mean if the answer was yes?
If you come to OUR neighbourhood, can we hold hands?
Just when you�re not there?
What about in your house? If we CAN� why is it that you care so deeply what people outside your house think?
If it makes them uncomfortable, it certainly makes us uncomfortable that people can be so closed minded and conservative, however, the impetus should NOT be on us to go at their pace� the onus should be on us to be ourselves, otherwise things will not change if people continue to conform and cater to the LEAST tolerant of society.
If you expect never to see us kiss in public� how do you feel about us kissing at our wedding? Will it make you uncomfortable�? WHY?
A wedding is pretty public, a private gathering, but with many people gathered. How should we feel about inviting people to the wedding who (outside of this PARTICULAR day) are uncomfortable with our affection or have reservations about seeing it? Wouldn�t you feel shitty to know that on that day the �happy� couple would be wondering whether the next day they�d be expected to refrain from being themselves because their guests didn�t appreciate seeing their affection for one another? Sad isn�t it.
Would you tolerate PDAs on our wedding day? How bout our engagement? Anniversaries? How about when our first child is born? Affection is healthy� that�s the way I was raised. If I can kiss my mother and father why can�t I kiss the love of my life?
Being comfortable around one another is one of our greatest strengths, and if you choose not to support that� it puts a rift between us and causes us to call in to question your true feelings about our relationship. Actions speak louder than words.
How is being in the �closet� about your relationship, any relationship, less oppressive than being in the closet for sexual identity? It isn�t. Putting a censor on your feelings is damaging and stressful and leads to self-loathing. It might even lead to family or relationship breakdown. The world would be a better place if couples held hands more and kissed at least once a day. People would feel more loved, more connected and less ashamed of their love/lovers and themselves. We aren�t who we are to CHANGE people, but why should we change to accommodate something (aka squeamishness and intolerance) that we don�t believe in?
