August 26, 2004 - 10:25 p.m.
goddamn wrist hurts.
aching like the back of my eyeballs.
i look at tiny feet, claws stretching
without anything but lazy intent.
eyes fly open
searching for the end of the world.
in your reflection
there is no recognition
this is all so new.
and this
this is a metaphor
for kats and kittens and all new things
and the ache in my wrist is real
but also not
it pulls as though i need to be reminded how easily the strings get plucked
pluck me
like a bending lily
narcissist in that i like to see myself in you
the ache in my heart comes from growing too fast, over flowing my heart.
how can i love you so much
you tiny fluffy helpless thing
you break my head and heart each time you yawn
and I am helpless because i cannot help
but love you
and be so lost at the thought that if our eyes had not met
you might be lost
never slept like this
never felt so safe
never been touched by hands so soft
and known that you were happy enough
to forget ever having been
otherwise
if only all people were like kittens, we would never break, divide and hurt.
scratches and love bites, kicking feet in our sleep...
the chase and a sweet sunday cat nap...
the kind i like best where we eat dinner at three and lie in bed until we realize it really is time to sleep.
exhausted.
if only.
why don't we do this more often we always ask ourselves.
what if she's not okay?
What if she is sick and we can't do anything to help her?
for once my heart is calm at the thought. because i know... like those other silent things that still make you cry but be relieved and larger than the moment, while still being in it...
that if that were true... it would have been the most perfect life and no one could grieve that...
"if i should die this very moment...
i wouldn't grieve...
cause i've never known completeness
like being here.
lost in the warmth of you
loving every breath of you..."
this could be a love poem to my cat.
maybe things are never just one thing.
