April 04, 2005 - 8:47 a.m.
i had a dream about you last night.
you were a veterinarian. you had saved a siamese kitten. we tried not to make eye contact as this gift was silently accepted, across that impenetrable wall.
the phone rang. the kitten in my arms was the only thing that has passed between us in years that contained any affection. it made up for everything we havent said in all this time. on the phone you were talking to someone, trying still not to let down your guard. this tiny life was the only word that saved us.
i still remember what a great kisser you are.
i love the way your lip ring felt. you think i only remember the bad things, but that just isn't true.
you startled me, surprisingly often, with your coy smile, lips twisting as your eyes filled with mischief and almost-love. We never got that far. I have my theories about that... they came along in those moments of frequent tears and excuses and tears and tears, that never seemed to drown out the vision of potential that i clung to, so hard.
you think I've forgotten. I think I tried to. maybe that was a dream too.
