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July 09, 2005 - 2:17 a.m.

the cat comes to inspect my lips, my arms, my elbow
scenting foreign sweat
the scene
makes me so self conscious
biting the walls
waiting
with nails poised to end the extent of growth without knowing
the useless edge of consciousness
the self
left out to be
scrutinized'
and I say,
i don't care
suspended in moments past
where your new curls and her hands don't matter
and I still let you.

how difficult to erase a presence
entirely
i've tried
and still you determine me
beyond the scope of my intentions
you measure and define the perameters of my steps
I am conscious of your eyes and they limit my sphere of movement, from minute to magiscule
the breadth of a smile
the arc of my bee-line
they are inhibited by your eyes and the memory, jaded, stored and rummaged to death by inhibition,
tacked and staple of my new leaf
cut-out and withered
waiting
awaiting
the click
of consciousness
I'm a different girl now
awakened by lips and taken
down from the wall
unhinged and tact-less
I float into the realm of
the uninitiated
so long gone
so un tasted
you have no idea
but I know
I am not waiting
I am living
without sidelong glances
to the mirrors of the past
heedless of fabric and fabrication
full pints of gumption
and garlic and all things without reason or desire
unmeasured and pointing to more truth than words
and skin and freedom
from those spoken things
like past and never
and done
I'm a different girl
now.

 

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