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December 15, 2005 - 7:19 a.m.

worry affects me
physically
and I don't know how much more I can handle.
It's like being disgustingly drunk, but past the 'fun' part.
Osmosis of emotions sends me spinning
in nauseous tossed sleep
draining my insides
as my gut slaps my wrists
for having caused you so much anxiety and pain.
but now, there's no guilt,
just a kitten asleep on the floor
so much in heaven, to be free of bars,
so who is it that my conscience has tapped into to generate this sick feeling?
maybe it's you, our dream and our and child
wanting so badly to be close, but not knowing how to cross the floor, afraid of the tiny shape asleep and dreaming
you have no idea how little he will change your life
or how tiny he is, next to all that big fear.
and fat, full tears of heart breaking anguish rolled down our faces, seeing you look at us that way
like you didn't know us,
because the people you know
would never have forgotten you this way.

at the door I hear you,
recognizing these typing fingers
your ears, and not your nose, remembering the sounds of our life, yesterday
and your kitten paws wanting to find their way
back into our life
back into our life

 

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