June 20, 2009 - 2:32 a.m.
In the car I turn to you
my partner in a crime that has not been committed,
"I have to get this out there. I have had a huge crush on you since I can remember and I feel like telling you is the best way to keep me from acting on it"
and I knew, but now know, you feel the same way and have felt this too, the feeling of empty, wondering if the road you are on will hurt you like you know it will
people are roads, and as we drive, hurtling through space, surrounded by metal, I envision the rock that left a circle of impact on my windshield - that will be the shape left in my chest
after the fist of your heart retracts, taking with it everything that first hit me
everything that made an impact,
from the moment you said: "Tall chicks dig me"
I should have known that this was not the prologue of anything good,
anything but a story you will tell of how things that start badly end badly
something that would be endearing if only it could end the way we hoped, once upon a time
and the cynics say, once upon a time is just the start to a story that hasn't ended yet.
There is always an end.
"I feel exactly the same way" you said.
"Exactly?" I asked.
Slight hesitation, yeah. And it is a pause in time and place and action and the thoughts, they are the only thing that keep going.
One day I will untie my hands, unleash my heart, the good dog of hearts,
mastered, by myself, but so loyal to you
still
Sometimes we cannot help but love our captors, masters, makers, mothers...
We have a dependency, and I am learning
learning to walk
