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July 15, 2009 - 1:42 p.m.

Sometimes you have to vent.
When someone's daughter has an email like "bubble princess" somethingorother... and you have taught them all year... and they seem to be quite a nice, bright, pleasant sort of student... and you get haughty emails from this parent... you have to ask: is this kind of parental behaviour and aggressive attitude geographically/regionally dependent?

Oakville Parents. My own mother says she can't recall the same frequency of this kind of behaviour throughout her career, one mere city to the left, but maybe the decade is to blame... or perhaps television. At any rate, when you get an email like this (see below), there are two options (basically): respond as you think best suits the subject and tone, or respond professionally.

Email #1:

To Teacher -
I spoke to you personally about this when the error was originally found, after Shannon�s first report card. Her first semester mark is listed as 57 again. You confirmed there was a typing error and the mark was 70 not 57!! In fact, you told Shannon, before the report cards came out her mark was 75, so we were surprised to find out it was only a 70. We thought the mark had been reversed when typed. I did not expect to see this error again. I would like an updated copy of the report card sent to our home, as soon as possible. Also check your records again to ensure her mark was not 75. I don�t trust your review of this situation. I will need to contact the board about this if we do not hear from you and receive a revised copy of the transcript immediately. This does effect her over all average and will not read well on her record.

Parent Name

-- the unspecified 'this' is a human error/technical error (or both) with the tight deadline, 90 marks to enter, cut and paste and read over 90 comments and teach all your classes, eat regularly marks entry schedule, whereby her perfect daughter's mark read "57" instead of "70, or 75" (I can't remember which, because with so many students it would be impossible to remember the 4 marks reported for each grade nine student over the course of a year... although parents certainly expect you to be able to recall them from memory at random).

Having apologized previously for the error and fixed it, the mark still showed up as the incorrect mark on her final report under the midterm category. Understandably, she doesn't see this as desirable; neither do I, which is why I responded:

Hi Mrs. _____, I hope you are having a nice summer. I certainly understand and sympathize with your concern. I am also alarmed that Shannon's record continues to show this error. I am going to look into this matter immediately and will keep you posted on the progress. Unfortunately, I am unable to change the mark myself, because when the mark is entered into Trillium it requires corrections at the administrative level. I will get in contact with the appropriate people and ensure that this goes through correctly. Once this happens I will let you know and verify that you are provided with an accurate and updated record. Please understand that it is currently summer break and many teachers/administrators are away from their offices and this may take longer than usual.

I apologize for this continued aggravation and I am looking into this to make sure that it is corrected. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I hope that _____ was pleased with her overall achievement in the course, since (as I'm sure you are aware) she is a very capable student and made outstanding progress this year.

I will contact you as soon as I know what is being done to rectify this error.

Sincerely, _____.

Often I am tempted to remind them that we are people with things like summers and families of our own, with whom we might be spending our summer. You would think that after teaching their kids for an entire year and providing consistent, detailed, constructive, supportive feedback and guidance throughout that year that we would be given some kind of benefit of the doubt or treated as something above, or at least on par with the people who they hire to clean their homes, but alas...

what you want to respond is:

Considering that I have 90 other students, but have spent quite a lot of my work and personal time devoted to the well-being and future of your child, it would be nice if you could consider approaching any possible 'issue' without the use of threats. This seems to be a popular approach of parent in this demographic. Though I understand that her grade 9 mid-term mark figures heavily in her future plans, I don't understand why you feel that going to the board level is the most expedient way to resolve this issue. However, if you feel that it will, please do so.

I think parents just like saying that, because they think it will instill fear from above in teachers and makes them feel that they are somehow in control of a teachers livelihood (reminding us that they 'pay our salaries' without having to remind them that we, frequently, also pay theirs). No amount of previous excellence, it seems, can eliminate their instinct to 'tell on' teachers whenever we do something human, or when something related to us is not carried out perfectly.

In regards to her not "trusting" my review of the issue: Well, you can certainly feel free to set up a meeting with me and a VP to review my calculations and bring your own calculator for personal verifications, if it will set your mind at ease. Additionally, from the tone and diction of your email, it is evident that you are already quite agitated. Therefore, I recommend that you immediately set up an interview with the principal who will quickly be able to assure you that this grave error is actually quite easy to remedy and does not require his involvement at all.

Then, after all this exhaustive consideration, I remember... she is not only an Oakville parent, but a Cheerleading parent...

which now makes everything quite clear. Her predilection to relate everything back to that campy, sing-songy cheer motto - be aggressive, be-e aggressive - perfectly accounts for her 'agressive' approach.

And, when one responds professionally, it is only logical that the response is non-challant and entitled. You have, after all, confirmed their suspicion that charging, full-tilt towards any perceived obstacle and making a serious 'maneuvre' out of any small matter makes for a much more dramatic, though sadly stereotypical, opportunity to show how well their own highschool skills have been honed and continued to assert themselves into adulthood.

 

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