December 12, 2009 - 2:58 a.m.
It started out as a joke
inside
but it turns out the joke is on me
you cannot be all or anything of what you promised
all talk
no follow through
you are lazy and I am stupid for believing you could change
I deserve more than nothing
I deserve more than nothing
it's pathetic
me and you
I cannot see myself this way anymore
you don't live here
you don't even pay the rent
three thousand dollars
is that the price of a new start?
Is that all I will lose?
Just that and everything.
You promised
promised me the world
talk of kids and cats and bullshit that I never should have believed,
drowned out of your mouth in beer and shots
I haven't seen you all night
i might play pool, you said
and that's all you did.
this is the camel's back breaking
I am alice and have no humps left
I try to imagine an undramatic end to this
but all I want to do is rail at you for everything you put me through
for these YEARS of waiting for you to grow up
I never asked to be a parent
but apparently when I fell for a woman who acts like a child
I got what I ...
can't finish
there is no end when nothing will ever be finished
I don't know where to go from here
except in a thousand directions
all of which somehow involve you miraculously changing
into the kind of person who would acknowledge the value of what they are losing
but instead
you just sat there
fraternizing with the enemy
making yourself one of them.
and all I could do was see it coming
and wait
and watch for you to fuck this all up
again
