July 20, 2011 - 4:06 p.m.
I said of course not. But what I meant was yes.
I was terrified that I would fall backwards,
into a rabbit hole of darkness
where I cannot remember feeling anything real for years.
Terrified of proving the stereotype that has kept mean jerking off to the idea that lesbians are still, somehow available to them - for consumption
in pulp,
media,
in their minds and in their beds,
penetrated by their eyes and bodies,
but rarely by their minds
convinced that all we need
is the right man, to snap us out
of ourselves.
So it led me, leads me on
to the question
why do we do it?
Kink? The same way some straight-identified women kiss other women, people pursue threesomes and sex outdors,
because it is forbidden.
What is more forbidden for a lesbian than a man?
Taboo.
Who does it for you?
What do they do, in your head?
How impenetrable are the fortresses our our minds? Our desires, our habits, conventions, social expectations, the desires we follow behind closed doors
or ones left open.
Impenetrable. So it would seem. By definition. But not always. Then why?
