July 20, 2011 - 4:00 p.m.
When he asked me, as I hesitated, if I was afraid people of what people would think, if they would question whether or not I was really a lesbian
the answer was, yes, though I answered "of course not".
It would shake my credibility.
The hard-won identity I had fought to reveal, after cracking the hardened, shellacked exterior of a childhood and adolescence raised up in a believable, polished hetero state.
once cracked I poured out, eager and confused, about many things, but least of all my desire.
I knew, now, what I wanted, but did not knew what that might preclude, exclude, or eschew.
Mostly I was hungry for choice, famished from not knowing there was one. And by choice I don't mean that we choose this, some people might, while others are 'born this way'. I didn't know I had unconsciously chosen to carry on, unaware and oblivious, until the right person looked at me, the right way
and the fracture happened.
Thank god.
