October 06, 2013 - 9:38 p.m.
my love
i feel like i've spent so much time thinking about what I would say as I stand beside you here, right now
many of the nights I spent, driving home from dance usually, thinking of what I might say,
because that's what I do so often when you're not here:
You're the person I want to call when I'm excited and have news,
you're the person I want to talk to when I'm frustrated or sad,
you're the person I want to curl up with when I'm stressed out, and tired.
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I feel like I anticipated meeting you for so long, and we almost met so many times - it's almost amazing that it didn't happen sooner. But waiting meant that when it did happen, we were both ready - to recognize each other. And in that crowded room, I saw you and, looking back, I know HOW lucky I am that it all happened the way it did. Like italics, we leaned into each other and in a room full of people you had my undivided attention.
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At school I remember having a conversation with my students; we were talking about the possibility of love - somewhere between teaching Shakespeare and Chuck Klostermann... love is looking at that person and knowing, every day, how lucky you are that the person you love loves you, too. And that each of you knows every day that they wouldn't choose anyone else. I feel like the luckiest person in the world that the person I like more than anyone else in the world feels the same way, too. And that you make me feel special, understood, supported, challenged, needed and cared for in all the little daily ways, but that all those things add up to the kind of love that people write books and songs about. I love you in a way that makes me a stronger person, because caring about anything so much makes you vulnerable, but I'm not afraid. I hope that you will keep letting me try to find ways to show you, and remind you how kind, smart, funny and loving you are - and people always tell me how beautiful you are, but that... is just the outward reflection of the kind of person you are, the cliche'd 'tip of the iceberg' - because you are stunning and jaw-droppingly gorgeous, that is plain to see, but you are an even more beautiful person. Most amazingly, you make me feel like the kind of person who deserves someone as wonderful as you.
In one of our favourite books, The Passion, Jeanette Winterson writes:
"�I say I'm in love with her. What does that mean?
It means I review my future and my past in the light of this feeling. It is as though I wrote in a foreign language that I am suddenly able to read. Wordlessly, she explains me to myself. Like genius she is ignorant of what she does.�
― Jeanette Winterson, The Passion
My love, I love how much is possible when I look at you, how exciting life looks when dinners and grocery shopping, the daily tasks, are things I look forward to because I get to do those things with you. I have spent my life, very busily, waiting to meet you: someone who would keep me on my toes, inspire me, put up with me, nurture me, make me laugh... tell me, with just the right amount of sass, to take my shoes off in the morning while you're still sleeping... to debate the merits of organic vs. local tomatoes, to take salsa lessons and try new recipes with, to share my closet, and my life with. You make me feel that I have found a partner.
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I sometimes have to take a minute, because it still hits me when I look at you that seriously, I must have done something wonderfully in this world karmic to have ended up here. I cannot wait to spend my life with you. I promise to love you, as fully and as passionately in the days, the months and the years ahead, as I do right now and to make sure that you will always know, without a doubt, that even if I seem to not be paying attention, which has been known to happen, since I am easily distracted,...you will always, always know that I am here for you, that you have my heart and my love. I will spend the rest of my life making sure that you know it; thank you for making me so happy!
