October 16, 2013 - 7:29 a.m.
Please don't tell me to be patient.
don't make ME the bitch with an agenda.
don't make me feel like I'm the one who needs to just be an adult and suck this one up.
The first time I was verbally harassed, with another teacher, by this exceptional individual. I kept my cool, professionally, and considered the shoes he was walking in, even though the words he used to describe our anti-oppression efforts made it all the more clear why those efforts exist at all,
even though
his words set flame to my indignation,
even as
he suggested we all burn alive.
I could handle it, the first time he kicked open a door at waist height,
cause I considered that maybe he was having a rough day,
or a rough life,
but I also considered
the face of the other
the other student who might have been standing
on the other side of that door,
totally unaware of what was coming for them
out of the blue
I kept my cool,
I talked the talk
I made the effort to put myself in the shoes of aggression and mental illness.
The consider the meds that hadn't kicked in,
but I couldn't help but think,
of how little that would matter to a bruise, or a cut, or a stitch
on the face of someone
in the wrong place
at that time
And when I told you, yesterday, that our posters - advocating for positive space, and respite from the outside world's intolerance -
had been defaced and torn down
you said
'isn't that over'
that's all you needed to say.
Cause for you, it's a day.
and it's beside the point
cause the point is, you don't get it.
You don't live this.
Taking down our own work, and interests, and egos, in our own time, was what we prepared for,
having them torn down and littering the floor
was not what we hoped for 'on a good day' even if our one good day was
'over'.
Cause for us it isn't
this is daily.
And when you try to advocate for understanding for their hatred,
it does us little good.
and it makes me feel like you're saying we've had our time, and our voice,
now 'shut up, please, already'
and we turn our cheek repeatedly,
but you don't notice,
because you aren't the one who lives this way
Getting by each day and knowing that if you don't change this... the colleague who doesn't get it won't
And I am the adult
I'm the one who has to consider:
When will our right to feel safe and free from harassment trump the right of this individual to patrol the halls, waiting for our cheeks to turn,
red
with anger and shame,
when the people who should have our backs
turn theirs
and when will you step up,
instead of letting us bear this burden alone,
as well as the blame for our targeting,
for having a voice,
more than once a year.
Pardon my professional judgement and my inability to separate my understanding of illness from the consequences it drapes over others.
I can't forget what I know: that more than one of US has visited the hospital this year, after trying to take our own life
because this place is not safe.
And his right to walk the halls, incorrigible as he may be,
supersedes the right to a place to exist
free from hate and violence,
visited on us from others
and internalized in ourselves
every time we see it
and say nothing
or tell you and watch...
nothing
get
done.
If he cannot change, and we cannot change everything,
what are you doing
to protect us
from the loophole
that becomes a dark place
when you're in it
together
still alone.
