January 26, 2003 - 7:57 a.m.
I always mean to be organized...
always say i'm gonna do better, keep in touch better...
I'm going to write a big update email to everyone from brazil and fill them in on all the ...blah blah blah..
what can i say? We should all have kept in touch better... I've changed a lot. I'm a dyke... i hated some of them... still see some of them and don't give a shit...
it's like a relic to the past.
Take Michelle Gentner for instance, the most annoying human being i know... still see her, wish i didn't ..
is that how people remember me?
I feel vindictive sometimes... want to be like, "hey, i'm cool now...does anybody care?"
apparently I did, then....
not so much now. I'm happy, nearly married. i dreamed about living with her all night, about a little apartment on College with high ceilings, and big windows... and a queen sized bed... I also dreamed about brazil..
it's getting to be an urgent thing now. I feel like i'm losing part of me.. the part connected to all those places and people i'm afraid i'll never see again. Sometimes i think i should just hop on a plane during reading week, three weeks from now and chance it... i'd have a good time i'm sure... or maybe just plan to go in may, after exams, for 2 or 3 weeks, but then i get to thinking about summer jobs, and that apartment i keep dreaming about.. money sucks.
Really, it's the one thing keeping me grounded, maybe i'd just float away if i wasn't afraid of losing everything back on the ground.
