February 23, 2003 - 6:58 p.m.
mr money bags vs. mr president of the world to be...
what do you do when someone offers you the world, telling you in two short nights they've suddenly aquired a fortune and for some reason beyond your comprehension they've chosen you as the recipient?
tell them to check their head?
ask if they've lost their mind?
why does he like me so much..?
why does it all seem so strange?
maybe my reluctance to trust comes from the fact that he can't help but mention how much he loves my tits and how he's wanted to live with me for as long as he can remember...
now i can't help but feel that living in debt to someone who focuses too highly on my sex appeal would be a really bad scene...
as in.. i get this image in my head that if i did take this offer...
living rent free in his new place and letting him give me things, because he loves me... and her too, apparently,
it might somehow end up in a twisty wierd showcase late nighter featuring a landlord looming in a dark doorway, come to collect from his tenant... for the favours he so graciously offered...
am i wrong too for being suspicious?
at least i'm not the only one getting a bad vibe...
all we want is to be happy, and safe... that 's the main thing... safe...
would i feel that way, in that situation?
oh, and when you think of some of the shit that slipped out in that same conversation, the same breath?
things like.. "property is something the government can't do shit about.. ie. you could burn your house down to the ground and they couldn't do anything about it..."
or "when i'm president (k, he's not even a resident, let alone citizen of the US) i'll go to Iraq and talk to Saddam and if he doesn't listen i'll nuke him! " then he expects the people of Iraq to rejoice and say what a great guy he must be...
so these really lush promises are seeming a bit tainted, since they come in such a steady stream, like he wants some kind of promise, some verbal contract...
i just can't figure why he's so intent on giving things to me... and her...
coming here under the pretense of concern for Sabrina... his relationship...
i ask.. "well, do you love her"
he says, yes but not the way he used to, besides, he says, i love you too, and (a) and i hardly know her...
does he know what he just said?
somehow i feel like his estimation of love is a little off kilter, like this whole thing is a big audition, that somewhere there's a camera rolling that i'm just not seeing...
the crucial detail which he seems to have forgotten is that saba is a part of his life in a way I NEVER would/could be...
does he get this?
suvey says?
