February 22, 2005 - 2:26 p.m.
i am addicted to nachos
i bled all over the bathtub
cannibal? massacre? still birth?
none of the above
i have no interest in sex
except in a fascinated way
i'm tired
n told me yesterday, incredulously, that she can't imagine me ever being a bitch
i laughed.
not in a bitchy way of course.
but how do you convince someone who's never had a reason to be on your shit list that you can, in fact, be a huge cunt?
tell them to go talk to your ex.
that'll set them straight. bent. curve ball.
i hate girls.
i love them.
why am i so easily manipulated?
like words.
i'm bleeding.
i think i deserve it.
revenge is never good
except in theory
and i am a grudge holder.
and a hypocrite.
let go.
let go.
learn to just move on.
why do i hurt people the way i've been hurt?
i'm sorry. for myself and them.
mostly them.
it wasn't fair
that i spread my own heart sores over you.
it's worse than an std
it lingers
and you spread it despite your best intentions.
and mine were always good.
i wish you could believe me.
i just want to be happy.
and i want that for you.
and you.
and you.
"let it die."
"after all it wont take long to fall, now i know what i don't want...I learned that with you...the saddest part of a broken heart is at the ending as much as the start...the tragedy starts from the very first spark, losing your mind for the sake of your heart"...
come clean
come clean me...i'm a mess
and i need you.
i feel like you know that,
but maybe you don't.
i do.
