July 08, 2011 - 1:28 p.m.
In the wake of an impending appocalypse... not today, but a while back,
my desk mate asked...
'the world's ending,
what would be your one regret?'
Baby, you're it.
In a gut-instinct moment,
without even thinking,
you were the first thought to cross my mind
When I'm trying to be generous and reasonable, I remember the 'good' times,
but now
I just feel tricked. Cause you knew,
it was never you -
you faked it for so long that I believed it
...you were the thing, like when you get angry and accidentally curse your sibling's name,
years of conditioning
making their name jostle forward to take the blame for your anger
it's source
your name
floods my head
an impulse
I can't catch before the name is out
you are the thing I wish I could take back
except that
I don't know if I could have gotten here
without having to have experienced
you
I don't trust that without all that shit
I could possibly be poised to accept
this happiness
this comfort
this optimism
towards everything ahead
without having gone through you
